Friday, June 03, 2005

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That Fellow was supposed to be at my house at 8:30 last night, so when the doorbell rang a little after 9:00 I stomped through my apartment to open the door, prepared to be passive-aggressively pissed off. I am no good with people being late, especially when they don't call to inform me of their lateness. But he wasn't on the other side of the door. Instead, I found standing on my doormat Steph and Ryan, who grinned and said, "Hey! We heard you're grumpy. Want to go to Dragonfish for dinner?"
I invited them in and thought quickly. I did want to go to Dragonfish, and I did not want to be home and stood up by a boy I don't even like all that much. And so I surprised myself by putting on my shoes, taping a note to the door, and actually leaving.
I always say that I'm not the sort of girl who waits around, but that's never been true. I am exactly the sort of girl that waits around. So it was with an exhilarating new feeling of, I don't know, self respect I guess, that I informed him when he eventually called that of course I wasn't going to wait. And no, I didn't know that he wouldn't stand me up--that he wouldn't even be the first one this year to disappear to the island of lost boys. (This is true: it's been an interesting few months.) I have better things to do with my time than wait around. I have fantastic friends to spend my time with.

Because the thing is, I'm supposed to be avoiding letting myself be used up by people who are just out to use me up. I am fragile and in love with many things that don't even exist, and I simply cannot keep doing this to myself. And so with the help of my friends, I finally did right by myself for once.

(Further wedding pictures are here and here.)

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