Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Dear everyone,

Somehow another month has gone by, and I find that I'm resigning myself to the fact that days will never be as long as they were when I was six. It's a sad joke that the more we appreciate the days that we have, the less time feels like it's moving at normal speeds. It was just yesterday that I was six.
I will be interested to see how different traveling is when the destination is one that I'm looking forward to. I haven't gone on a trip that I haven't dreaded since my final visit to Seattle before I moved, but then I hadn't ventured many places that I didn't want to go. I've been overwhelmingly homesick on my last few trips, to Florida and North Carolina, the sort of homesick you're only supposed to be when you're ten and at summer camp.
It isn't as though my journey to Florida was all bad. There's a certain quality I've only found in the friends I made in college, a sense that although we're all so different we're expected to be unabashedly ourselves. As a result, I find that all the knots in my shoulders melt, that my brain feels rested, that all of my laughing muscles hurt. I leave these people feeling as though I could accomplish anything because of the simple fact that they believe, unreservedly, that I can. It's a sense of support that I've found nowhere else, and the few hours I spent with them are worth whatever other troubles I suffered on the way there.
Steph and Ryan picked me up at the airport yesterday (twice), while my kneecaps dissolved in complete relief at being home. My walk to work this morning was not so much walking as it was prancing, a gleeful little going-to-the-office dance. And now I am at my desk. The sun is sometimes out of and sometimes behind the clouds and the base of my spine is on fire. I'm eating a honeydew melon and drinking beer, and my hands are covered with fruit juice because with tasty juicy fruits I turn into a four year old or a terrier and can barely keep my face out of them. I am avoiding calling certain people to let them know I'm back in town because there are certain self-destructive behaviors I'm not overly keen to dive back in to.
I appreciate that my friends keep getting married and reminding me what an adventure being in love is supposed to be. They're very brave. There are more things than I can even begin to express that choke me up about weddings, and I encourage you all to keep pairing up and giving my sentimental little heart real life reasons to go all a-flutter.
Somehow we're halfway through the year, and I haven't even really begun in earnest to put my plans from months ago into motion. I need to sit every single one of you down and find out your hopes and plans and secrets. I need to learn your native language so that we can exchange the same syllables. If need be, I will grab you by your shoulders and shake you until you realize how perfect you actually are.
I honestly don't even know who the vast majority of you are. But I will.


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