Thursday, February 17, 2005

I have made it a rule for myself that I am not allowed to watch any television shows involving crimes, because I am a great big fraidy cat and now and again have trouble telling the difference between what's real and what's my imagination. I live on the bottom floor of my building, which means I can hear all of the stomping and hammering that goes on above me, and I tend to get a little jumpy.
Except the other night I broke that rule. I was tired and thought that laying on the couch sounded like a fantastic idea. I only get 2 1/2 channels anyway, so it's really less watching television and more interpreting it. And so I watched one of those shows and then went to take a shower.
My shower curtain is see-through, and what this means is that now and again I catch myself standing frozen in the shower, soap clutched in my hands, staring at the doorknob. What I'm waiting for is for it to start turning, slowly, the way it would on tv. In my brain I can see the closeup, the door slowly starting to crack open. I find myself doing this and I make myself stop, but by that point I've gotten myself started and I can't shake the thought. So after I finish my shower I open the door slowly, waiting for someone to jump around the corner or emerge from my bedroom to, I don't know, hit me in the face with a lead pipe. No one ever does, but just in case I check out the whole apartment and then lock all the locks on my door.
After I go through this whole routine I always feel really silly, and thankful one more time that I live alone so there isn't someone around to watch me do these things.
This is just one more reason that I won't be getting cable.

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