Sunday, February 06, 2005

Dear everyone,

I've been avoiding you for the last few days. Not so much because I haven't had anything to tell you--after all, when has that ever stopped me?--but because everything I've had to say has felt like I'm repeating myself. I'm always poking at this language of ours and sometimes I get to feeling like I've overkneaded bread dough and exhausted both it and my fingers.
But this afternoon it's cozy and raining and I'll be leaving shortly to go make donuts, and I realized that it's already February and I ought to check in.
Most of my free thinking time has been taken up with worrying about Sarah, who will probably be having surgery next week to either glue, sew, or staple her lung back into place. I disapprove of the whole thing most highly, because if I had to pick a place for her to be having surgery so far away from me, her chest would not be very high on the list. If I got to pick, they'd be operating on a toe--a middle one, one of the less important ones. But I don't get to pick and so instead all I get to do is worry.
Fortunately, I'm a fantastic worrier.
Last night there was a whole herd of birthday parties, parties for John, Kathleen, and Aleksandra. Cat went with me to the lot of them, which meant that I finally got to introduce Cat and Aleksandra to each other. It's always a really exciting thing when I get to put people that I like and admire so much in the same place, like I'm putting together pieces of a really big puzzle. I love birthday parties.
In all other ways things, at least the important ones, are going almost disbelief-suspendingly well. I love my job and my fantastic coworkers, and my evenings and weekends are crammed full of spending time with people who are smart and funny and astonishingly cool. I'm making lots of stuff--food, scarves, memories. It could all end at any moment, of course, which might be the best part of all. I'm pretty aware that these are the good old days.
So what I'm doing is trying to teach myself to look people in the eyes rather than the forehead or left cheek. It's important to have small, manageable goals.


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