2008, you were a total asshole, and I am not sorry to see you go.
I mean, of course I had some serious fun--I always have fun--and there were Tuesday nights and Sunday brunches at Linda's and shotter pops and laughing so hard my face hurt and making out and Elvis singing to a chicken and mustaches and going to LA and Delaware and Philly and hayrides and sledding and sewing and an ever-increasing amount of high fives. And there was Election Night, which was one of the greatest nights of my life so far.
But there was also all of the crazy and broken and crying in cabs, the getting dismissed and played and freaking stood up for the first time ever, and spending all of this time just sick and tired of myself. Man, am I annoying. Plus, 2008, you took my grandfather, who by all rights I should have had for years to come, or at least have been able to say goodbye to. I am pissed that you took the chance of knowing my grandfather away from my hypothetical future robot children, and I am really angry that you did this to my very important grandma, who has been grief-stricken and just got out of the hospital yesterday on what would have been her wedding anniversary. So, really, to hell with you, 2008.
But, whatever. After all, as Rumi said, "strong hooks hold you in this wind," and as always the only really important part is that I am surrounded by amazing people, healthy and mostly happy and definitely safe, and I really should just let the rest of it go and focus on being useful to all of the people that are left.
The only thing I did of real personal value was my solo trip to Italy which I pretended very hard to be cavalier about and which actually scared me silly. And in the end it turned out that I loved being somewhere foreign all alone for that time, feeling a very specific sort of brave and the same sort of lonely, and more importantly feeling all of my colors calm and shift. Even now I miss that quiet with an ache just below my breast bone.
in 2008 I wrote this and this and this that are all maybe not so bad. And from what I can tell, all of the tiny wrinkles appearing around my eyes and nose and mouth seem to be falling in smiling sort of patters. I think that all counts as victory.
Happy new year, internet! May your fireworks go off on time and the person that you kiss at midnight be prettier than you deserve.
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