Saturday, November 01, 2008

Dear everyone,

Aside from the giant, devastating loss of my grandfather yesterday, October was the month I have been waiting for all year. It was made of sweetly crisp evenings and technicolor trees, a beautiful wedding, new friends and old friends and a little bit of heartwrenching change. I love that we have so much rain in Seattle, but even I can not argue with how lovely all of these clear blue and white days have been.

Losing my grandfather feels like falling and having all of the wind knocked out of me. He was a gruff and difficult to know man, I'm sure, but he was the best grandad a little girl could have had. My family has decided not to have a memorial service, so I'm struggling with whether or not to go back to Florida, wondering if there is any use in showing up a week late and stumbling around town trying to find some sort of resolution and starting things over for my mother and grandmother who would have had all that time to grieve. He was an old man who died quietly at home, and that's the best that most of us can hope for.

Last night I gathered myself together and went out dressed as a giraffe to have too many drinks and hug a lot of people and afterparty at the speakeasy. It was a pretty epic evening, and I think that the events that were set in motion will have interesting effects in the months to come. Might be just about time to roll up my No Feelings work.

Housekeepingwise, I started one of these things to keep track of things I want to keep track of, lots of which will probably end up back here all twisted around into a metaphor. The air is thinner out here, but I like it better.

And just now it started raining again, and I am preparing to fill my freezer with food, and thinking about my next steps. They look more like dance steps than ever before.


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