Monday, October 12, 2009

In high school we moved out of the trailer park I had grown up in and into the house my grandparents had just moved out of. I didn't want to switch schools, so we used the address of my grandparents condo, which was in the right school district. After school my grandma would pick me up from the bus stop with crackers and cream cheese, and I'd spend the rest of the afternoon with them. In one year I spent more time with my grandparents than most people get in their whole lives, and all of my years were like that.

I wish that it would rain. All of this cool dry air is doing terrible things to my skin and hair. I am itchy and staticy and neglecting my umbrella.

Really high on the list of things I never want to hear again is my grandma asking in her sick thin voice if I could help with her decision. I can't. She needs a surgery that might buy her some more time and then again might not. Maybe in that time science will have a breakthrough in making bionic grandmas. It's been nearly a year since my granddad left us and I still have trouble realizing that this is a world without him in it, and I'm not ready for both of them to be gone. But that's selfish, and there's this awful world of pain and dependence that she's stuck in.
Either way, it's only a matter of time until the whole universe shifts again.

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