Friday, March 07, 2008

I finally broke down and talked to a counselor the other day, after one inexplicable meltdown too many. She told me that I should just keep doing what I'm doing, that there's no timeline for recovering from these things, and for goodness' sake to stop thinking that I'm underachieving in a non-existent personal repair competition. Which is good news, I guess, because I'm always sort of afraid that I'm crazying up, that I've gone too far down certain crystalline paths inside my head, that I might not make it back.

But on the other hand, I think I was hoping for instructions. I'm not very good at just waiting for something to happen, and I think that I wanted her to say something like, "Ok, what you need to do is, during the new moon, turn in three clockwise circles and one counter-clockwise, wearing a jester hat, and then pour out a shot of scotch. And you'll be cured!" And that, I could have done. But there are many things I am not and one of them is patient. (Other things I am not include: a smurf, the treasure of the sierra madre, smaller than a breadbox, and green.)

In the meantime, given a lack of other options, I guess I'll be waiting. Impatiently.

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