Friday, May 16, 2008

Temperatures are starting to creep up here in Seattle, which means my convection oven of an apartment will be getting unbearably warm, and that means that we're entering prime samantha stalking season. I'm pretty easy to stalk (although I prefer high fives), what with the red hair and outdoor drinking and the frequent crowd of very funny people, but if you want to be really good at it, please remember the following things:

1. I talk to things. Inanimate objects, worms, friendly dogs. Strangers, sometimes. I emailed this picture to a friend and his immediate reply was, "You were talking to a bug, weren't you?" And I was. It was a neat great big black beetle. I don't expect them to answer, so quit looking at me like that.

2. I rarely touch people with my palms unless it's completely unavoidable. Palms are personal and vulnerable and even if we're hugging my fingers are probably curled under.

3. If you touch my ears and I'm not prepared, I'll probably cry. I may also kick you in the shins or cut you or react violently in another way. Seriously. Leave my ears alone, or you are fired as a stalker. And a person.

4. I love enthusiasm even more than I love cookies with raisins in or puppies or the lean in. Actually, scratch that--I probably love puppies because of their enthusiasm. Enthusiasm about really ridiculous things is the best kind. Enthusiasm is like the secret handshake for people I really want to hang out with.

5. My friend just gave me a rad new baseball glove, and I fully intend to carry it around in my purse all summer and try to bully people into playing catch with me. People who want to play catch with me while talking about cephalopods are probably people that I want to make out with.

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