Thursday, May 04, 2006

Dear internet,

In less than 24 hours it will have been three years since I moved to Seattle with a cowboy hat, a car full of clothes and plans, and not a whole lot of common sense. In the intervening years I have kept the hat, sold the car, bought new clothes, made new plans, and acquired little more common sense.

In celebration, I went to Pioneer Square tonight to art walk with two very sexy people. This is important because not once during the evening did I question whether or not I was good enough to be in the presence of either. Sometime in the last three years I've figured out how to have friends without needing to justify why I've got them. If you had known the scared little muppet that moved out here, you'd see this as progress.

Which is not to say that everything's all sunshine and candy, because I still feel broken. This too, however, is progress, because I have learned to admit that I am sad even though I feel like such a nuisance bothering anyone with any such thing. At New Years I promised to learn to shave the edges off of my lows, and I'm working on doing that very thing. I'm working on fixing myself, and this is important because had I given in and stayed in Florida I would very likely be irreparably broken or, let's face it, dead.

(Let's compare and contrast: three years ago, this past Monday. I think that if nothing else, my sunglasses now speak for themselves.)

Regardless of how things are right this second, though, I'm glad that I'm here. I'm glad that I'm where I am now, and I'm glad that the people I've met here are a part of my life. The last three years have healed a lot of wounds, and while I don't want to get all sentimental on y'all, I am amazed that I feel safe enough to be starting to process and let go of the terrible darkness I came from. I was lucky to make it past seventeen, and the fact that the thought of the next sixty years drags on me some nights is a blessing I never thought I'd have.

Aw heck, I've done gone and got all sentimental on you, anyway. Sorry about that.

So, internet, I made my escape, and though a lot of people predicted I'd go crawling back within a few months, I managed to prove them wrong. Hooray for me.


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