Wednesday, October 23, 2019

We've always known our apartment is haunted, although "haunted" is a little strong for whoever lives there with us. There's clearly another occupant, but not one that's particularly interested in us. We've all cohabited peacefully for years.

One night, before I moved in, I went to bed alone and dreamed that I was asleep in the bedroom when several people I didn't know showed up in the doorway. They all filed over to look closely at me while I stayed very still. Awake, the cat, never one very interested in direct physical contact, climbed onto my back and slept there for hours. I suffer from sleep paralysis fairly often and this was the opposite of that--it felt as though I had been judged and accepted. I never had the same dream again.

Whoever else is living there isn't particularly active. There are some unusual sounds without a clear origin that happen sometimes, and often the origami hearts that hang in the doorway will sway gently with no motivating breeze. The apartment feels inhabited, but no one is popping up wearing a sheet on their head or throwing anything around the room. In college we had the sort of ghost that interfered, and while it made for more exciting stories it's the sort of thing that gets old after a while, and I much prefer the situation we have now. If one has to be haunted, best to be haunted by a ghost that has better things to do.

The cat died unexpectedly in December, and it's been hard getting used to the absence, unlearning the habits of caring for something else, working through the guilt and grief. I'm home by myself a lot, and it has been interesting how much lonelier it feels now that something that was there isn't anymore, as opposed to those ten years that I lived alone and felt just fine about it. Lately, I have been seeing a lot of movement out of the corner of my eye, hearing a lot of noises that aren't there, seeing almost realized faces where there isn't anything. It feels like someone is there. On Friday I came home from work and was sure that there was someone else in the apartment, even though my boyfriend was in a different part of town.

I think the ghost misses the cat too. 

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